I'm thinking I don't want this blog to be depressing, nor do I want to be like..super positive. I just want it to be more...inspiring. I don't want to go back and read these things and feel sorry for myself.
Last night Matty and I had a really good talk. I love it when we have deep talks. He makes me feel like myself and so comfortable. We went to the river and sat there just staring at the water and I kept thinking about what's going to happen in the future, but then I stopped myself- I want to enjoy right now and not later.
I want to keep pursuing photography and I'm going to stop say "but...blah blah blah (insert lame excuse here)". I want to find time to read, I truly love to read and get so addicted that I don't even notice anything else around me. I miss making things out of anything. I miss painting. I miss that smile I used to have on my face all the time.
The 28th is coming up soon. It doesn't feel like 2 years. It feels like..two minutes. Maybe two seconds.
She was not perfect, but she was the perfect mom for me. There is a special bond that daughters share with their mothers. I looked up to her so much, and I looked forward to going to college and receiving "I miss you so much letters" and boxes of surprises. She was just like that, and I hope if I ever have a daughter that I can do that for her. I wish I was half as pretty as her, I mean I look like her, but she's just like naturally beautiful to me. This is so hard for me. I don't want people to worry, and I don't want my dad to be sad either. I just want to feel better- have a peace of mind. It's tough and people say I make it look so easy, but a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her, and the mark she's left on my life and so many others. She shared what she had and that was love and kindness. I only hope to be as wonderful as she was someday to the people around me.
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